Monday, October 14, 2019

Menangani kesedihan

1. First thing, always percaya kuasa Allah. Sehebat mana teknologi, Allah yang tentukan rezeki setiap manusia.

2. Menangis sepuasnya. Hanya air mata yang tinggal untuk kau hilangkan semua kekecewaan kau. Bagi aku, air mata itu memang teman kegagalan TTC. 3 kali IUI, 1 kali FET dan kali ini IVF.

3. Talk to your spouse. Cuma mampu kata “sorry abang..”. Selebihnya aku lagi fikir kata-kata yang sesuai untuk terangkan semuanya pada ED yang terlalu mengharap seorang adik.

4. Mandi lama-lama. Biarkan air mata turun bersama. Solat.

5. Take a break.

(Edited)

6. I find myself cleaning up everything I could clean. And throwing anything useless; from pile of plastic bottles, cans, everything I could emptied. Berus, sental toilet, dinding, lantai and as tiny as water hose. 10.30pm now, just finished all that. Next, kutip semua lap kaki, carpet2 kecik. Sawang yang melekat di blade ceiling fan I just did ptg tadi. (Now still thinking what else?)

7. Bath again. Oh, shopping online pun macam best.

Note: This morning I was unable to read message, dari adik beradik dan Abah. I dare not to pick up their call. Mengelak dari menjadi lebih sedih dan sayu.
(Edited)
Pick up ED from school, explain to him is rather hard. He said “abis kenapa perut mama masih gemuk?” I shortly answered “mama tak berak lagi, nanti kurus lah”

Bila suruh dia mandi tadi, dia tanya lagi “kenapa adik tak nak duduk perut mama?” I suddenly burst my tears. Aku nangis lagi, ED pun bergenang air mata sekali.
Hurt me deep.

7+/52 week ANC

Antenatal Check-up pagi ni.

Sadden by the news, the babies were gone. Abort pregnancy. Dr.Wan & double confirmed by Dr. Hamizah.

Bleeding which happen in two weeks. Suddenly stopped past few days. I thought everything turn out fine. Tapi bila Dr. Wan took a bit longer nak cari sac and heartbeat tadi, I was feeling something might ended bad.

La ukallifullahu Nafsan illa wus ‘aha.
Isnt the first time. But i know my time will come.
Positive vibes pls come to me.

(Surely I cried a lot. Crawling to the bed ... )
Note: ED mama feel sorry for you.