Saturday, February 18, 2017

Kun Faya Kun

It was infact one finest day in my life.
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We woke up early that morning. Usai Subuh semua bersiap-siap.
We have planned nak bawa E.D berbasikal di taman this weekend.
Ahad.
Cerah.
Beautiful weather.


We had our breakfast, fast.
I've lost appetite recently. Just ate half of roti canai.
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4.30am that day. Dah terjaga, tak pasti kerana apa. Feeling cramps these few weeks.
Thought i would've my menses coming. 55days delay. Normal for me. Especially during hectic schedule with my master exam coming up, plus works, life, etc.

Hubs mengigau. Yelling "AllahuAkbar" few times. It stopped once I move him.
Twice. 5.30am he repeats the dreams i guess.
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It was 5th February, 12 years. Our anniversary.
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I haven't had that feeling my entire life, entire marriage.
It is positive.
With tears of happiness I stepped out of bath, before Subuh prayer, I remember waking him up.
I showed him the Pregnancy test.
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Alhamdulillah.

But motherly instinct is undeniable. I urged for Ultrasound. Ahad, susah mencari klinik with those service. But then we managed to find one. The Doctor couldn't find the sacs. I insist hubby to repeat on Monday. We just then celebrate with makan-makan sikit sempena anniversary. We didn't exchanged any gift, caused we got one from Him already that morning.

That night I couldn't sleep the whole night. Solat Isya'  pun lewat. Around 1am. Then terus baca Quran sikit and ended up terlelap before Subuh.
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That morning, dah tak boleh bangun. Mandi pun seram sejuk. Sakit cramps reoccurring. Rasa nak berak, nak kentut, semua serba tak kena.

Monday. 8.00am. Hantar E.D ke school, we rushed to KPJ Specialist. I got 1st before anyone else.
Ultrasound resulted the same as yesterday. Then try vaginal scan.
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Positive Ectopic pregnancy.
Allahu...

Ada hikmah apakah sebaliknya. Allah maha mengetahui.
Warded at 10.30am. 12.30 dah dalam operation theater. 3.00pm selesai remove, both tube

Both.
Those with hydrosalpinx at the left tube, and ectopic pregnancy on the right one.

I remember the tears don't stop running, even before I completely awake. Shaken. Grief. Lost.

5.Feb.2017
6.Feb.2017

Looks like I've to cancel the appointment IVF for the coming 6th March.

Husnudzon. La Ukallifullahu Nafsan Illa Wus'aha

Friday, January 22, 2016

2016, new day has come


Lama sudah tak menulis.
Cuba sign in pun sampai perlu recover account.

2016, tahun huru hara mak(me).
Mak cuba memburu impian mak sebelum sampai 40 tahun.

Eh, tiba-tiba mak rasa macam kelakar pun ada
Mak E.D adalah blogger suam-suam kuku versi veteran dah.

Deep.
E-mail yang diguna semenjak 2000 pun jarang dibuka. Entah, bukan tiada keperluan. Mak tengok dalam banyak email semua dari Lazada lah, Zalora lah, Groupon lah. Adei.
Tiba-tiba malam ni rasa nak menulis. Biasalah, mak feeling macam tengah sambung degree dulu-dulu. Study menghadap tasik universiti sambil layan lagu Exist sebab tengah frust dengan suami main kayu 5. Kahkah.

Now when i think back all the past, yeah. Past IS past. Sekarang nak kentut pun tak sempat, apatah lagi nak memikir siPolan itu yang single sampai sekarang. Eh, dulu mak sumpah dia jadi andartu kot. Masin mulut mak. tutup mata tutup mulut

Cerita pasal email tadi, maaf lah mak baru perasan mesej-mesej di sini. Soalan pun baca laju-laju, jadi nak summarize kan cerita dari sejak Tahun Gajah blog ini

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Yes, mak ini dapat nikmat jadi emak setelah bersusun ikhtiar mencuba dapatkan zuriat. Last mak try, IVF di LPPKN. Allah beri E.D.

Tak sesuai cerita E.D di sini sebab rata-rata keyword yang singgah ke sini kerana TTC.
So, I've made a special writings just for E.D in http://my-precious-u.blogspot.my/

So, a few question saya jawab sini saja ye.

[1] Ya, IVF LPPKN. Start treatment on Feb 2012, succeed (Alhamdulillah), E.D born in Nov 2012.
3 embryo transfer out of 7, only E.D rezeki kami

[2] Tidak, kos bukan RM3400. Yang itu katanya di HUKM/HKL. Not sure which one. Tapi kalau betul harga rawatan IVF begitu, memang amat murah. Of course ada pro and cons. Kena waiting list. 

[3] No. LPPKN infertility treatment as early as 3rd day of menses terus jumpa doktor. My 2 IUI settled in one cycle of menses each time. So far kawan-kawan di hospital nak tunggu appoinment doktor pun masuk 3 bulan. Tsk. Mak tak sabar nak.

[4] 2015. Frozen Embryo Transfer. 3 out of 3. None attached in rahim. Allah beri ujian getir sebab sayang hamba nya kan? Tarik nafas dalam-dalam. Walau meleleh air mata, E.D ada kami dah cukup bersyukur.

[5] Kumpul duit untuk rawatan? Yes, i did. Guna kaedah pelbagai. Boleh refer post dulu-dulu kaedah kumpul duit untuk rawatan.

[6] 2016. Year of hectic and travel. 

[7] 2017. Hopefully ada rezeki masa itu. Tahun ini kena kumpul duit lebih sikit. Expect ubat makin mahal, umur makin meningkat, plus, ada GST pulak. Adeh. Mangkuk tul.


ED dah 4 tahun , dah school pun.