Saturday, February 18, 2017

Kun Faya Kun

It was infact one finest day in my life.
.
.
.
We woke up early that morning. Usai Subuh semua bersiap-siap.
We have planned nak bawa E.D berbasikal di taman this weekend.
Ahad.
Cerah.
Beautiful weather.


We had our breakfast, fast.
I've lost appetite recently. Just ate half of roti canai.
.
.
.
4.30am that day. Dah terjaga, tak pasti kerana apa. Feeling cramps these few weeks.
Thought i would've my menses coming. 55days delay. Normal for me. Especially during hectic schedule with my master exam coming up, plus works, life, etc.

Hubs mengigau. Yelling "AllahuAkbar" few times. It stopped once I move him.
Twice. 5.30am he repeats the dreams i guess.
.
.
.
It was 5th February, 12 years. Our anniversary.
.
.
.
I haven't had that feeling my entire life, entire marriage.
It is positive.
With tears of happiness I stepped out of bath, before Subuh prayer, I remember waking him up.
I showed him the Pregnancy test.
.
.
.
Alhamdulillah.

But motherly instinct is undeniable. I urged for Ultrasound. Ahad, susah mencari klinik with those service. But then we managed to find one. The Doctor couldn't find the sacs. I insist hubby to repeat on Monday. We just then celebrate with makan-makan sikit sempena anniversary. We didn't exchanged any gift, caused we got one from Him already that morning.

That night I couldn't sleep the whole night. Solat Isya'  pun lewat. Around 1am. Then terus baca Quran sikit and ended up terlelap before Subuh.
.
That morning, dah tak boleh bangun. Mandi pun seram sejuk. Sakit cramps reoccurring. Rasa nak berak, nak kentut, semua serba tak kena.

Monday. 8.00am. Hantar E.D ke school, we rushed to KPJ Specialist. I got 1st before anyone else.
Ultrasound resulted the same as yesterday. Then try vaginal scan.
.
.
.
Positive Ectopic pregnancy.
Allahu...

Ada hikmah apakah sebaliknya. Allah maha mengetahui.
Warded at 10.30am. 12.30 dah dalam operation theater. 3.00pm selesai remove, both tube

Both.
Those with hydrosalpinx at the left tube, and ectopic pregnancy on the right one.

I remember the tears don't stop running, even before I completely awake. Shaken. Grief. Lost.

5.Feb.2017
6.Feb.2017

Looks like I've to cancel the appointment IVF for the coming 6th March.

Husnudzon. La Ukallifullahu Nafsan Illa Wus'aha

1 comment:

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